It didn't matter where I slept, he had permission. He enjoyed mind games of threatening to rape me. He used to tell me it was better for him to teach me about sex than some strange guy… and he told me he wasn't going back to jail for me. He said he'd kill me first.
He was more than willing to get me anything I wanted, but he always promised,"It'll cost ya." and when I learned what he meant and quickly decided I didn't want whatever I may have been asking for… he would still get it and demand "payment".
In ninth grade I managed to aquire another friend, but she was transferred to a magnet school for the second semester. She was a lot of fun and said it was her desire to prove you could act as wild and crazy as you want without the help of drugs… I liked that, so I was wacky right along with her (sadly, she died a few years later... of a drug overdose).
Then I failed enough classes between 7th and 9th grade to not be able to graduate without summer school. I still got to go on to the High School the next year, because they were changing the schools structures and the high school was now going to be grades 9-12. The worst part of summer school… I had to take history, my absolute worst subject!
I had disappointed my extended family (my grandma), I had NO friends, my mother didn't care about me (or perhaps she would come see why I was yelling and screaming in the middle of the night), my stepfather only cared about me for one reason, my classmates had suggested the world would be happier without me… and now history for summer school!!! Maybe they were right… I should quit life before it gets any worse!


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