His grace is truly AMAZING

The other day, I saw a meme that said "lets face it, none of us, in 2015, got the answer right to the question,'where do you see yourself in 5 year's." When I first saw it, I thought of the chaos of 2020 and smiled. Today as I was driving I was thinking about life, and the fact that I cannot imagine what my life might be 5 years from now. My kids will be grown... Will my Parents still be alive? Will I still be caregiving? Will I still be in CA? I'll have my AS, but will I be working on my Masters degree?  Those could all be yesses, or they could all be nos.  I really have no idea... Then it hit me! June was 4 years ago we arrived in CA and stayed. Five years ago my life was crushed, crumbling around me. I was dying on the inside. There was the facade, that even I believed was real, falling away for all who could see, to see. If anyone told me then what my life looks like now, I would have laughed them to scorn. The growth I have experienced in every area of life,

I believe SB moved to GP close to the same time I did. I think her being a So.Cal transplant helped endear her to me. We spent many evenings having dinner with her and her husband and friends, playing dominoes, and in later years cards.  Seeing what Brad caused to be seen--my reactions to his behaviors that he only allowed to be seen by me--lead her to decide I was a spoiled brat. And I suppose, I was, I believed I was, I still won't argue with anyone who calls me a brat. Facts are facts. But there was more to what was seen, than what she saw. She didn't realize that until about 5 years ago. When my world shattered and only the true reward remained... We did start to connect more deeply before chaos happened, perhaps that is why she was available to me in those darkest days.  When Brad finally agreed to allow me to go to the Ladies Bible study, SB was one of the ladies who was always there. She always participated in the discussion, and her answers and observations were often v

I met SL, when I first moved to Oregon. She was a busy lady, and promised once she retired, she'd be busy about the Lord's work. Brad didn't believe her, he told me he'd heard lots of people make that promise, but they never followed through.  Maybe so, but I've had the tendency to give people a chance to keep their word... SL did keep her word. When she retired she started working in Sunday School classes, and VBS often teamed up with Brad (I wouldn't be his helper, for reasons to be shared another time and place). She also headed up the morning ladies' Bible study, that happened in the Spring and Fall every year.   For several years, Brad had me convinced, I didn't need to go to the Bible study, I needed to be home in case he needed me to go with him to visit someone in their home or at the hospital (which very rarely happened, usually I heard after the fact something like "thank you for sharing your husband with us last week"). The evening c

SP. What a special lady. I've known her all my life. I was 4 months old when my mother moved us to CA, and almost right away started attending the same church as SP and her family. I remember church dinners at her house, and I know she had me over to her home sometimes to play with her daughter. The worst nightmare I remember came from sleeping on her couch, while her son (who was babysitting me) watched a National Geographic documentary on fire ants. I woke up at home dreaming those ants were all over me!!  I remember her always being kind, and quiet. Her family was always at everything our church did, and she was always busy, involved in helping things get done. When another lady in the church introduced my mother to my step-father, and the interim pastor disapproved of their living arrangements, we left that church. In the moment, I don't know that it bothered me a whole lot, but a few months later I had decided I wasn't going to church unless we went back to CCC. In 199

I have been so blessed. Sometimes it overwhelms me, I feel so unworthy of so many people who love me, care for me, and have taken me under their wing. Why do I get to have so many amazing people who are willing to invest their time and energy into me, the least important person I've ever known. The Mom-Lady says,"Don't think about it, just be thankful!" "I am thankful, it just doesn't make sense. I'm not worthy." She comes back with the great truth,"None of us is worthy! God loves you! We love you, LOTS of people love you, for you! Just believe it! Accept it! And quit crying before you make me cry!" We've had this exact conversation many times, my brain still can't quite believe and accept this truth I know. And the walls around my heart crack a little more with each round, so maybe one day I will be able to accept that God has deemed me worthy of the love of so many, simply because He is God, He can, and hopefully I will be able to