His grace is truly AMAZING

A hundred years ago today a precious soul was born. A dear lady who changed my life.  She befriended me. She mentored me. She encouraged me to take life's fist steps... she loved me.  That's a big deal to me.  I spent most of my years before knowing her, believing what my classmates had convinced me was true: my family only said they loved me, because they had to. It took me decades to believe anyone could love me without God using them as a channel to love me. I believed only God could love me, people only thought they did because God made them care about me. Why? Because He is God and He can do the impossible--loving the most unlovable me. But my Grandma Lady was different.  She is one of the few people I couldn't dismiss her love for me as outside her choice. She went out of her way to get me involved at church. She stood up to my stepfather,  when nobody else would. She inconvenienced herself to listen to me.for hours on the phone, and have me in...

I always liked that song.  Amazing Grace. The story of it's origin always moves me and amazes me about the author.  He needed Amazing Grace to survive. More Amazing Grace to write those words. And more to live a life that proved those words to be true in his life. We can say almost anything, but living like our words are truth takes character and strength that comes only from God's Amazing Grace. But what really gets me, and brings me to tears almost every time I hear or sing that song?  The memory that comes to mind. One memory. Probably close to 19 years ago. It was just another Sunday. Sitting a few rows behind Grandma Lady and Grandpa Man. Just an ordinary Sunday.  I didn't know it then, but that was probably my last most vivid memory being made of that Amazing Lady.  (I miss her every day! ) She was so consumed by that song. I've never seen anyone sing that song with such enthusiasm! She sang "it is well with my soul" and it was obvious that God's wil...

Last week another of "my" widow ladies went to be with the Lord. Ninety-four years old, and faithful to the Lord, His people, His church and her family all those years.  Not perfect,  failures that I am aware of, but faithful and true as best she could. Last I saw her was almost a year and a half ago. And though it had been several years and she had some age related dementia, her family assured me that she remembered me. And she seemed to when I had the opportunity to greet her, though I likely wouldn't have recognized her if she hadn't been with her family. It always amazes me when I am remembered by those who have forgotten others. Anyway. She passed away a couple weeks ago,  and her memorial service was last weekend. Living far and being too busy for my own good made it impossible for me to attend the service in person.  But thanks to the chaos of 2020 and the capability of livestreaming via Facebook,  I was able to be there virtually.  I was blessed to ...

Every once in a while I hear the question,"What advice would you give to your 18 year old self?". I tend to think something generic and hopeful like: just keep going, it'll be OK.  Or maybe I consider advising against one choice or another,  but then I remember the good things that would never be without the hard and "horrible". But last night and this morning, I've been thinking that I would recommend setting goals without expectations. Or maybe even just trust the Lord, buckle up, and enjoy the ride. Look always for the blessings and appreciate the ways life is good, even though it will not turn out the way you hope, imagine or expect. Always remember God is good, and His way is perfect, even if we don't like it or understand.  The biggest lessons life has taught me is don't have expectations and be confident in nothing. Expectations bring disappointment. Confidence in outcomes brings heartache and frustration. The only constant is change, and the ...

I am blessed.  I really don't know how to put this in to words, so I will ramble a bit... I've always loved and appreciated the generations older than mine.  Parent and grandparent figures have been my best friends, my preferred friend group for as long as I can remember.  So many have poured themselves into my life and have had profound influence on who I am today.  From my ethics to my logic to my humor all shaped so much more by my befriended elders so much more than my peers or my family. For that I am forever thankful.  And as these older friends are finishing their race, I find myself in a place that allows me the opportunity to come alongside and help them finish well.  They helped me get started and I am honored to help them finish. It kinda sucks because I know if the Lord tarries and doesn't Rapture us out soon, there are "goodbyes" coming that I don't want. But the blessing to be chosen by these dear people because they know me, they trust me,...

We as people often lament over the loss of our dearest loved ones, "ifI could have one more day, or even an hour to say those words I couldn't, or just a moment for one more hug (that hug I didn't get to give the last time I saw you...), then I would be ok." But that's not the truth. We'd want more. One more day, one more week, another year would be awesome, but we'd still want more. Because we're greedy. We're selfish. And we are never ready for the final goodbye. I miss my Grandma Lady every day. More than 17 years since she went home to Jesus. Every now and then as I drift off to sleep I selfishly ask the Lord for a dream of her. My dreams are always full color and sound, very much like being awake. (That's why I hate dreams, I often feel like I used an unnecessary amount of energy for my dream, and they are usually just nonsense, anyway.) If I have to dream, Lord make it something worth dreaming,and dreaming of the Grandparents K, would be ...

I was listening to the radio a couple of weeks ago, I enjoy a live call in program where people call to ask questions about the Bible or Christian beliefs. The mem on the program do a great job sticking with what scripture says and really do a good job of leaving their opinions out, or being clear about what is opinion and what is scripture. Anyway. I was listening in the car, as i often do, and a woman called in and said she felt like she needs to separate herself from her toxic mothe. The pastors gave her cautious counsel without really explaining what she wanted to understand -- that it is ok to walk away from anyone who is harmful to you, even if it's your mother. They did speak of the importance of forgiveness and said that anyone who is toxic or abusive should be removed from one's life. I desperately wanted to call in, but I was not able to. Hearing this call made me want to shout,"Yes! It is OK!" It is ok. I heard two different pastors on that same radio ...

They wanted a road trip with Mom. So I granted their wish. There was a lot of anxiety involved. I wasn't sure how I would handle doing all they wanted me to do. But I did it, with more grace than I have. God worked amazing miracles. He is so good. It was an amazing week. Filled with favorite places, foods, activities and people. But better than that was the attitudes of my teenagers. They got along with each other, I noticed zero bad attitudes, they weren't greedy or opportunistic. We just had a great time and enjoyed everything.  Thursday on the way to GP, we stopped and saw Crater Lake ❤️, one of my most favorite places. Then we saw some dear to our heart friends. We got in to the Airbnb early enough to make a frozen pizza, and cookies and brownies for the week. Thomas invited a friend over for a couple hours, and Barbara and I shared some crab 😋. To my shock and awe, the cookies and brownies lasted the week with some leftover. Amazing!! Barbara got hé first taste of Anne of...

I sometimes think I am so easily overwhelmed. By good things. I still feel so unworthy of the generosity of others. I mean really who is worthy? Of anything good? But a sincere thank you and a smile always seems like it is not enough when it comes from me. But God has given His approval for a splurge i was allowing myself to afford even though I was not sure I should really be affording it. Then randomly, unexpectedly I was gofted the EXACT amount rthat i needed to pay for such extravagance... He is so good to me.

Life is hard.  Change is necessary. And painful. I am so thankful for those in my life who are willing to show me what I need to see, even when they might be nervous about pointing out my shortcomings. Those are REAL friends. The ones that see what you need to change in order to be a better person, not for their preference, but for your good (and God's glory!). Most who know me know I am a giver. A giver of myself, my time and energy (I have no money or I'd probably give that, too!!). Those who know me well may think (rightly so) that I give myself away to a fault. Reserving little or no time for myself. If someone needs assistance (or not), or a menial task needs to be done, if I see it, I will jump to do it. As a guest I rarely just let the hostess do everything (unless I have been TOLD!). In fact, sitting and seeing something that needs to be done is one of the hardest things for me to do.  Yesterday I saw a video clip that explained this as a learned response to the adults...

Though this is a copy of an email to the Mom, written a few months ago. The gratitude extends not only to her, but to others (many who read my blog), who have been a source of stability, encouragement and love in my life for decades.  You may not realize how big of an impact you have made in my life, because often I am lousy at receiving love. But those of you who have "always been there" the ones that I can easily take for granted,  the words that were directed to Mom, fit you as well.  Without your unconditional love. Without your encouragement.  Without your prayers. Without your esteeming me higher than I do myself. I could not have come this far: "I catch a glimpse as I'm washing my hands, and I do a double take. Who is that? Me? I wish. She is pretty, happy, confident, healthy, loved, capable, comfortable in her own skin/with who she is... then I realize, it is me! How is that possible? The easy answer is God did it. How? I don't know. One day at a time. I ...

November felt like a year all by itself. And the last 10 days, like 6 months. The month was too busy to begin with.  Crammed with work, doctor and dentist appointments for all 5 of us. Mom's surgery taking a full week by itself just because of the distance from home and pre-op and other preparations. But God is so good! He knew what was coming and He knew the perfect circumstances for His plans for what was about to happen.  Mom's surgery was supposed to be the end of September, but she got a cold. The medical staff decided it would be best if the surgery was postponed until November. We were all a little unhappy about that because we were all set for it to happen in September.  But whatever. We've learned to roll with unexpected changes... The kids were able to go to Oregon for a teen conference with their dad's church, and I suggested the kids stay through Sunday and come home Monday, giving them opportunity to visit with their dad, an extra unplanned visit--good for ...

Those who read my blog seem to mostly be my Facebook friends. So you know the craziness my life has been the last couple of weeks. I don't mind the busy, the unexpected and the "inconvenience" of caregiving for My People. It's an honor and my joy comes from seeing them improve and the grace and strength God gives is most humbling and amazing to me. I know without doubt I could not do half of what I do if I wasn't strengthened by God to do what He obviously has for me to do.  But sometimes I get tired. That may be an understatement 🙂 The problem with tired, is I spend a lot of time alone in my car tending to the things that must get done. And I have an enemy who enjoys trampling my spirit.  Though I know much of what plays through my mind when I am so tired is half-truth, exaggerated or taken out of context, the fact that there are bits of truth (no matter how small) makes it so hard for my tired brain to resist or ignore.  When I'm not tired, these thoughts d...

I am reading this book for the second time right now, and will most likely start it for the third time as soon as I finish it, and then I might read it again!! I have had this book in my possession for at least 10 years, actually I somehow ended up with two copies of it, which I never read until about a year ago.  I was so fascinated with the first reading that I loaned the other copy to the Mom. She has claimed it and assured me I will not get it back. 🤣😂🤣 It is a fascinating and different perspective on the person of Jesus Christ. Of his humanness. Though it is a little difficult to get in to at first, it gives an amazing new dimension to the idea of "Relationship vs. Religion". We both just love the book, and the depth of personality and perspective the book gives on who Jesus was and is and how we can relate to him, without the need for rules and propriety, but just as we are.  Yesterday, as we were diving down the freeway heading for home, after a doctor...

Many people were surprised to hear I got baptized today!  And my church family was filled with joy and pleased as they witnessed the event. I am sure there were some who had thoughts like: "What? She's a Sunday School teacher!" "What?? She was a preacher's wife!" "She lead an adult women's Sunday school class in Oregon?!!?" "She knows more Bible than I do!" "She's been in church forever!" "I heard her testimony! She always said she was saved and baptized at the age of 12! Why is she doing it again?" And probably some other questions I can't imagine (maybe even a few "Ha! I knew it!!--though those would be wrong...) Most of you who read my blog posts, have heard my testimony and know I have always claimed saved at 12, left church completely about 6 months later and started back about 4 and a half years later. But there is more to the story.  As a Baptist I have been taught "once saved always saved...

I actually thought about writing this yesterday, but never got to it. Sixteen years ago yesterday was one of the hardest days ever of my life, and certainly the hardest to that point in my life.  I was home alone, most of the people I would have turned to were gone to camp with Brad, I was pregnant... It was a beautiful summer Sunday morning in Oregon.  I was up and getting ready for church.  Then, the telephone rang. I answered it and it was "Aunt" Louise. She asked for Brad (sort of unusual). I told her he was gone for the week to camp, wouldn't be back until Saturday.  She didn't know what else to do, so she blurted out the news. Her mother passed away that morning! It took my breath away! She was doing better! She was supposed to coming home soon! I didn't get to tell her goodbye before she left on vacation! This could not be real! Not right! (But I couldn't say any of that on the phone to Louise, or out loud to anyone!!)  And I had nobody to t...

Summer. I love it! It is warm! The sun is out longer than the stars are, but the starry skies are so beautiful. And night is warm enough to sit outside and enjoy the stars...  It's quiet.  The kids are in Oregon. I spend much time with the Parents, or home alone. There is suddenly time to think, to remember,  too see for myself where I have been and where I am now... Then the thanksgiving follows. There is so much to praise the Lord for.  He's given me a family that loves me unconditionally.  I've been adopted into two of the most amazing families ever known to exist.  Families who live Christ like examples, blessing those who will never be able to repay... He has given me good health, and has provided everything I have needed.  Though life seems to always have one challenge or another, it seems easier to trust Him with each passing day. I don't know what tomorrow has in store, but He does and He can handle it... I just hope I can listen and do exactly...

Thanksgiving seems like the perfect time to take a few moments and reflect on all my blessings.  I believe I am more blessed today than ever. My life just seems to be one blessing after another. Little things happen everyday that make God real in my life, and I cannot deny His goodness to me. I am amazed at His provision for me and my family over this last year. My job ended in May when the lady I was caregiving for fell and broke her hip, then decided to move into an assisted living facility.  Though I have another job, I have not really started working yet, I have been so busy helping the Parents with their needs and caring for my children, that there hasn't been time for anything else, and God has been SO good, and has multiplied my finances in a miraculous way, that has made it possible to cover every expense without depleting my savings!   God's love for me has been demonstrated throughout this year through the fiends and family He has given me in His Son Jesus ...

I need prayer.  Today had a rough start,  that was also amazingly tender.  It started yesterday... I was at the Parents' (as I am every Sunday afternoon), we met in the living room,  by the fireplace, after our naps (as we do every Sunday afternoon) to visit for a few minutes before getting ready to go back for evening service (as we do every Sunday afternoon 🙂).  I was thumbing through a magazine,  as she was finishing a section of her Epoch Times, she looked at me and pointed to an article,  said it was really good  and that I should read it. Being the obedient child that I am, I picked up the paper and read the article.  It was information that was old news to me: childhood trauma such as abuse and bullying have been linked to chronic pain,  illness and autoimmune disease. I've long believed the abuse I endured during my teen years played a big part in my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, migraines, etc. But the article ended with th...

This is one of my most favorite pictures. You can't see her eyes in this picture as well as you can if you are holding the photo in your hands, but they're the important part. The first time I really looked at this picture,  it made me cry. I'd had it on my dresser for more than 16 years, and I looked at it all the time, but I didn't really see it. Until my world was falling apart,  then I suddenly saw the love in those eyes.   She's been a dear friend and mentor for nearly 30 years, but two major events happened before that day in 2015, that mixed with the events of 2015, and lead me to see how much she loved me in 1999... In 2005, my grandmother and I ended up at her house.  This friend who had given me her house key 5 years before and never asked for it back welcomed us at a moments notice,  for a week! I got to the house and started to relax. The problem with that was at that time I was prone to migraine headaches,  one of my biggest tr...