SL

I met SL, when I first moved to Oregon. She was a busy lady, and promised once she retired, she'd be busy about the Lord's work. Brad didn't believe her, he told me he'd heard lots of people make that promise, but they never followed through.  Maybe so, but I've had the tendency to give people a chance to keep their word...

SL did keep her word. When she retired she started working in Sunday School classes, and VBS often teamed up with Brad (I wouldn't be his helper, for reasons to be shared another time and place).

She also headed up the morning ladies' Bible study, that happened in the Spring and Fall every year.  

For several years, Brad had me convinced, I didn't need to go to the Bible study, I needed to be home in case he needed me to go with him to visit someone in their home or at the hospital (which very rarely happened, usually I heard after the fact something like "thank you for sharing your husband with us last week"). The evening class he didn't want me to attend because it was "our only night home alone" each week. Nevermind that he spent the whole evening on the computer or in the bathroom.  ANYWAY.

After I had our two children, who only saw their only local biological grandparent at church and on Christmas Eve. I had an idea. Grandma went to the evening study, so she could stay in the nursery with the kids, make some memories (without my having to be present) during the morning class, and if she had any trouble, Brad was right across the hall. Worked great, until my growth in the Lord, opened my eyes to reality.

There were some strange things that happened (I don't really want to go into, because this isn't about that), which lead me to revert to some of my teen coping practices. One evening after dinner, I pretended to go shopping for a new purse. If you know me, I hardly use a purse, to buy one is the last thing I would specifically go shopping for, but Brad didn't know me THAT well, apparently.

It took me about 5 minutes to find an acceptable purse, then I went to two people. Our pastor, who listened, but didn't take my concerns seriously, and to SL.

I don't even know why I went to her. I was not as close to her as maybe half a dozen other ladies. The other ladies were people I always spoke with at church, had them over often for dinner, and they would reciprocate. SL, was not part of our social circle, but I think maybe deep inside somewhere, I hoped and believed she would tell me straight what I needed to hear.

I had two things I addressed with her: the way Brad treated me, and the way I believed the world saw me. To my shock, unlike the pastor, she heard and accepted completely my explanation of the way Brad treated me. She also countered every opinion I had on what I was certain others saw of me (lined up with Mom-type-person's weekly mantra "it's not you, it's him!")

She was able to give me some very practical advice on how to combat the mind games and inconsistencies that I was dealing with. Over the next 5 years, I went to her Bible study every time it met, but I noticed that during Bible Study seasons, life at home would be full of strife. We had several secret counseling sessions at her home over those years. I believe if Brad had known I was talking with her, he would have tried to stop it.

On one of the darkest days of my life, she was there, sitting next to me. First in my car, talking to me to keep me from driving off to I didn't know where, to look for an unknown location where my husband was hiding with my children. And later, sitting next to me as I tried to explain to the pastor the depths of the situation my marriage was in because he neglected to give my husband accountability, and redused to hear my cries for help (He never did listen to me) (not that our situation was the pastor's fault, but if he had listened perhaps things could have been dealt with years before).

After that night she became one of my most trusted confidants. As my life spiralled into a chaos I never wanted to experience, she became a chief cheerleader and prayer warrior on my behalf.

When I went to her that first night and told her the kind of person I wanted to be, and the kind of person I had been lead to believe others saw me as. She told me I was wrong, that others, including herself, already saw me as the person I desire to be. When I told her I couldn't see that, that I didn't believe it. She said "Believe it!" (There is a post, telling about the conversation). And for my birthday or Christmas that year she gave me a thing to set where I could see it often, the word 'Believe'. I still have it, it still reminds me of our conversation, and I am working on it ☺.

She was and still is a blessing in my life. The coolest part of her part in my life is when I have a decision to make that seems to big to do alone, she is one of 5 ladies that I trun to. These 5 don't run in the same social circles, some don't attend the same church she does, and the rest don't even live in the same state. Yet every time I have come to them with a major issue, asking individually, they all have the same opinion.  There is safety in many counselors, and I am thankful that SL is one of my "many". Her friendship is a blessing in my life, and I don't know that I would have the good mental health I have today, if she hadn't been willing to listen when she did. 

God sometimes brings the most unexpected people into our lives, and they become the most precious of friends. 

He is so good.