His grace is truly AMAZING

One year ago today, I walked into the courthouse Lola Elkins and walked out Dottie George. It was sweet that the judge nearly cried when I told him why I decided to change my name. It complicated a few things, and took a few months to get everything changed, but it wasn't as horrible a hassle as I expected it to be. I think it's been harder on those who know me, than it was for me to adjust to my new name. But I am so glad I changed it. I can see and feel the difference in who I am with my new name. I noticed about six months ago, I don't walk looking down at my shoes anymore. (a habit I picked up in Jr. High because of being teased mercilessly). There is a freedom, like I was able to set down all the baggage and shame from all my years, and walk away.  It's still a part of who I am, I can't deny my roots, but the hold on me is gone. Having a new name/identity has brought with it a new sense of capability. I know life is hard, and I am generally lazy and te...

This Christmas season passed so quickly. As I sit, now by my tree in the quiet living room, kids in bed on Christmas night. Presents opened and put away, dinner enjoyed and guests gone home, dishes washed and leftovers put away.  I am content. My new home has new memories that have been made. This is the first Christmas I have hosted in three years, and the first one I did all by myself (okay, the kids helped A LOT). Having my home filled with friends that are as dear as family made my Christmas feel like Christmas. I enjoy watching my children open their gifts, and I am always thankful for any gifts I receive, but the table at dinner... Listening to stories, and sharing in the lives of those who may have been alone today-- that's my favorite part of Christmas. Tonight as I left my children watching Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas videos, to go have a ham sandwich at the dinning room table alone. I thought," I love this". Sitting alone, in the quiet, the tree lit ...

See that girl? Second row from the bottom, second from the left? (Picture attached) Can you tell by looking at her, that she is bullied every day at school, her step-father abuses her almost every night, that she is failing every class (except TA in the office), that her classmates have her convinced that nobody loves her and no one ever will? Is it obvious to you, that suicide is something she considers daily? To me she looks pretty happy, her smile is bigger than half the others on the page. She doesn't look full of shame. But I know different. I know all those details mentioned above are facts. Because that is me (yeah, "Lola Cruz" was the first name I ever had, LoL) This picture popped up in my Facebook Memories the other day. The memories of that time returned with it.  I never really noticed before how well I hid my reality. I tried to hide it, and hoped I did a good job, but I was never sure. Only once was I ever called to the counselor and asked about hom...