His grace is truly AMAZING

I am 41 years old (Well, 41 and a half☺), and I am just now realizing I am a likable person. I saw myself in the mirror tonight, and liked who I saw. She was confident and appeared to be comfortable in her own skin. It's amazing to me. I have never liked myself.  I believed the voices in my head (wherever they came from) that I was unworthy and unimportant.  I believed my peers that I was dirty and disgusting (no matter how clean and careful I tried to be). I believed others in my life that treated me like I could never do or be good enough (no matter how hard I tried to listen and follow direction). I've known for decades (almost 3) that I am a daughter of the King and am loved perfectly by Him. But knowing it doesn't mean I believe it enough to live it.  Really,  knowing it,  made it easier to excuse the love shown to me by others because,"they don't love me, God does, and they are His tools in my life." Though that is true, it is incomplete and a manner ...

"We love you like a daughter" Today, they said it twice. And they said it to me a week ago, too.  It overwhelms me.  And the amazing part? I know they aren't the only couple to feel that way! I don't understand it. I completely appreciate it. I know what it is to be unloved. To feel disposable.  To be convinced that the world would be a better place if I would just kill myself (not to never have been born, but if I would just die--yes I had people convince me of this). I know I am loved. I know unconditional love, from many. When I pause to think about it, and start to name names, I can't comprehend it. Why me? Why am I worthy or deserving of such love, from so many? Yeah, I'm needy, and insecure, but aren't others just as needy, or more so?  Why do I get to steal all these hearts? What makes me so special? These people don't have to participate in my life at all. Yet they spend hours on the phone, or with me in their homes, the send, spend a...

It has been a long time since I have written anything on this blog.  But a chapter is ending. One I am not ready for (I could never be ready for it), but God's time is.  Do you have one person, who is a constant in your life? An anchor. Steady. Strong. One who has always been there, quietly in the background, yet an active part of your life? One person who, if you had never met them, you know, without doubt, your life would be completely different? I have one. He will be leaving for Heaven soon. He'd be the first to tell you, it's a God thing, what happened to bring our lives together. But I assure you that he had to be a willing tool in God's hand in order for what happened in my life, to have happened.  (If you wanna know what happened, go back and read all the previous blog posts) I have many people I can't imagine what it would be like to not have them in my life. I have some that have made a difference by helping me learn and grow. People I don't have words...