one more day would never be enough

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We as people often lament over the loss of our dearest loved ones, "ifI could have one more day, or even an hour to say those words I couldn't, or just a moment for one more hug (that hug I didn't get to give the last time I saw you...), then I would be ok."
But that's not the truth. We'd want more. One more day, one more week, another year would be awesome, but we'd still want more. Because we're greedy. We're selfish. And we are never ready for the final goodbye.

I miss my Grandma Lady every day. More than 17 years since she went home to Jesus. Every now and then as I drift off to sleep I selfishly ask the Lord for a dream of her. My dreams are always full color and sound, very much like being awake. (That's why I hate dreams, I often feel like I used an unnecessary amount of energy for my dream, and they are usually just nonsense, anyway.)
If I have to dream, Lord make it something worth dreaming,and dreaming of the Grandparents K, would be great!

Then randomly (every few years, I think) that wish is granted. Then I am not happy! I don't want to wake up! I can hear her voice I can see her smile, the sparkle in her eyes her laugh, I almost get that hug... this morning she almost touched my arm. It all returns like she is still here, and then I wake up. Back to reality seventeen years later, I am a person completely different than the one she knew me to be. (But maybe she believed I could be who I am now?)

I was not ready to wake up. I wanted more time. I wanted to hear all that she was saying. One more night, wasn't enough. Oh, I know I will have eternity with her. I know life has happened as it should have. God is good! But we deceive ourselves when we believe one more chance would be enough. 

When I dream of her I am always amazed by the realization of how much I still miss her, by how long it's been and how short of time it seems, by how much of life she has missed. I am again saddened by the reality that I can't call her and tell her everything life has been since we last spoke... it's not as sharp as the hurt was when my phone rang that Sunday morning in July of 2006, but it is a reminder that I still have a hole in my heart and life left by one of the best people to ever touch my life. 

Yes, I still want one more chance to say everything! Yes, I will still appreciate the dreams she appears in. Yes, I think I will continue to miss her every day. And that's ok. But I also know, if I were to get a chance to visit with her every night in every dream, it would not be enough. 

Heaven will be wonderful, because we will have forever and goodbye will never happen again.

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