Facebook Memories

See that girl? Second row from the bottom, second from the left? (Picture attached)

Can you tell by looking at her, that she is bullied every day at school, her step-father abuses her almost every night, that she is failing every class (except TA in the office), that her classmates have her convinced that nobody loves her and no one ever will? Is it obvious to you, that suicide is something she considers daily?

To me she looks pretty happy, her smile is bigger than half the others on the page. She doesn't look full of shame. But I know different. I know all those details mentioned above are facts. Because that is me (yeah, "Lola Cruz" was the first name I ever had, LoL)

This picture popped up in my Facebook Memories the other day. The memories of that time returned with it.  I never really noticed before how well I hid my reality. I tried to hide it, and hoped I did a good job, but I was never sure.

Only once was I ever called to the counselor and asked about home. It was so easy to lie and convince my counselor that there was nothing wrong, even though I had a black eye at the time. 

I guess really, I just want to remind myself (mostly) that what we see, may not be really real.  We have to work at knowing each other, we don't know what lies below the surface.

Often I hear that we can't trust what we see on the Facebook page of others, but you know we have been putting false personas out for others to see, a lot longer than Facebook has been around.  We need to care enough about each other to put in the time to know what others are thinking and feeling. 

It is so easy to believe no one really cares. 

I try to make it obvious to those around me that they matter, and that I care, mostly because I know what it is like to feel like nobody cares. 

I have come a long way from who that girl was, but I still struggle with the lies she believed, and I may always struggle. I just pray that I have learned to not leave others feeling like I did all those years ago...