Meeting Family

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Some of the scariest days of my life are the days I meet the biological family members of those I have adopted into my world as my family.  I am never sure how I will be received by those family members.

I know how my biological family would react (because I have witnessed it! Not pretty!!), So my already existing social anxiety goes up.

Yesterday, I met the younger son of the the couple I call Mom and Dad. I have known these people for more than 25 years, and yesterday was the first time I have ever seen either of their two sons. 

My anxiety was so high yesterday, that the only reason I didn't back out of dinner with the family, was because I was too scared to call and cancel. 😊 (That mom, is such a mom!).

Of course once I got to the house, I settled into myself, and all was fine.  We clicked like family, and they (son and daughter-in-law) were excited to know I would be at church tonight. 

When I got to church tonight, their son pulled me aside, thanked me for watching out for his parents, gave me all his (and his wife's) contact information, and asked for mine. Then the family invited me to the house for ice cream.

And tomorrow, I need to go to town again, and they are looking forward to me stopping by again.

Like I belong. Like they really want to have me around. Like they like me!

Not every family is like that.

Even the family I was married in to, wasn't that welcoming to me...

It amazes me. Rejection is what I expect. (Or toleration, is that a word?)

I don't even have words to express how grateful, how much I appreciate being accepted. I don't even feel simply accepted, they make me feel like they want me around, like they truly enjoy my company... Like I am good enough...

This isn't the first family to accept me in this manner, but it hits me with the same shock and awe, bringing the same humility and feeling of unworthiness.

These families amaze me. I know I am far from someone special. I don't even understand why the parents of these families chose to invest their time and energy in me. But I am grateful, because without their willingness to invest themselves into that pathetic teen a quarter century ago, I would not be who I am today.

All I have done is tried to accept their influence and follow their examples, and try to reciprocate the love and kindness they have given me (or pay it forward, if I could).

I don't understand why anyone would want to put any time or energy into me. I am so needy, and high maintenance.  Lots of other people are more fun, important, enjoyable...

I know that God knit our hearts together all those years ago, I don't know why. What makes me worthy of the love of TWO families this special? It's not just that I love these couples as family (one as grandparents and one as parents), the more amazing thing to me is how the next generation of these families welcomes me into the fold and loves me as their parents did/do. I just don't understand. I know I am not worthy...

But I am blessed to have such a special family. Family hand picked by God to show me how much He loves me. Family that loves me with no expectations or conditions. I don't have to measure up, I just need to love and follow God, and this family points me to Him everyday.

I am so unworthy.

I am so blessed...

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