Back to a moment in the dark.
I am not sure what brought it to mind a few days ago, but I was reminded of Aerosmith's song "Janie's got a gun". If you've not heard the song, I'd encourage you to NOT put it's lyrics into your head or mind. If you have heard it, you might understand my connection to the song.
I totally understood "Janie's" mind, and even wished I could get a gun… I praise God that never was possible. I did hide a knife under my pillow one evening while I ate dinner alone in my room, watching TV (meals together, in the same room were unusual, and at the same table only happened IF we ate out and on Thanksgiving). I wasn't sure what I was going to do with the knife, but I had it. My stepfather discovered it before I had a chance to get hold of it. He asked me if I had intended to use it on him. I calmly lied to him and said "No. It just must have ended up still here from dinner.". He took it out to the kitchen and invaded my room a while later.
When I think now about where I was then… whoa. I can't imagine being that desperate, though I know I was. I am so thankful the Lord prevented me from the obvious desires of my heart. I can't imagine the state my life might be in if I had done those things… yes, the things he did are worthy of death (biblically speaking), but vengeance belongs to God. I have done what is right, and all I can do is let God take care of it.
I am amazed and thankful He has given me the ability to forgive. I honestly do not wish Hell on my Stepfather. I hope one day he recognizes his need for The Savior. And accepts the free gift that Christ has given to all mankind.